I know you can do this Michael ..

There is something I realized this morning when I woke up, I was more depressed than hungry. I was reminded just then what it was it was like before when I was at my low weight and I had been restricting pretty regularly. I'm realizing though, often the hunger is just on my head.

I've grown so accustomed to just opening the refrigerator and just eating and not caring because I felt so unworthy of anyone or anything anyways. These last couple of days have taught me some self control and made me believe I am strong enough to do this if I want it bad enough.

I actually began my restricting again about four days ago, three days ago I made a video showcasing myself in hopes that at one point I can say that was a before me and here is the new me, with vast improvement. I really have to do this, I have to be back in that same place again.

I'm already seeing results on the scale, I'm aware that most of it is water weight but so be it, I know I am starting to reach my goals. Say what you want, once I eat I will blow up right, not if I don't eat or at least eat very little. I'm not going to let anyone bring me down anymore.

I'd much rather be thin and anxious than the fat, unattractive and ogar I feel like at the moment. As it is, living in own skin is a constant struggle, I don't want that anymore. I know my life can be better if I were just happier with me, I think I deserve that for myself.