It starts with the man inside

I had a minor binge session last night, I took sometime to try an understand why I did it and how I was feeling. I've realize I got a lot of stuff I need to work on, not just outwardly as it relates to my appearance, but how I mean feeling inside as well.

My feelings were pretty mixed; I was angry, I was sad, I was tired and you know, I wasn't all that hungry. The food was definitely a coping tool for me at that moment, I needed nourishment, I needed to find comfort in something and at that moment, I found it in food.

I was reminded last night too, that I need to work on my relationship with god. I so badly want that relationship yet for some reason though I find myself shying away from it. I think part of me just feels that I am not even worthy of his love and I know that that is proposterous.

I realize I've got so much work to do, I want more than just a thinner me, I want to feel loved, I want to truly love and I want to feel like I'm contributing to happiness in other people's lives. Maybe it's just me, maybe I need to just give up control and put it all in gods hands?